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Relationship with ex-girlfriend

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Relationship with ex-girlfriend

Postby dreamer58087 on May 11th, 2021, 8:19 am

Dream: I'm friends with my ex but on two seperate occasions she shot me as a joke when I was flirting with her (I think I was kidding both times) I laughed it off both times and didn't get mad or anything. Unfortunately the shells from the bullets got stuck in the wounds which restricted my arms range of motion. Basically I couldn't lift them any way except in front of me and even then my left couldn't raise as high as my right arm. My ex, me and her parents went to the hospital where I asked about a surgery to remove the bullet casings. They told me they had a surgery and to wait in the waiting room/reception area

The bullet casings were in my left hand and right shoulder. The facing of the bullet casings were thus: the one in my right shoulder had the empty side facing forward and the one in my left hand was in the middle of my hand facing the back. The skin grew smoothly over them but they were still very obvious. Ifmdk why the casings were lodged in me rather than the bullets themselves. The casings suggest the bullet's were .375 or .38 caliber. She shot me with a revolver. I remember the revolver being referred to as a .22 in the dream

I vaguely remember overhearing her parents saying something about how a foreigner can't be mad if he tries to take advantage of the fact a local girl (Filipina) is smaller than him and gets shot. I didn't feel like that was an accurate summary of what had happened between us but I understood their perspective and didn't get mad or say anything

For some reason there was a bathroom stall in the waiting area and she went to hide in there. She felt guilty that I needed surgery so she was hiding in the bathroom stall. Somehow she managed to turn herself into a liquid and hide in the soap dispenser (which was on the wall of the bathroom stall for some reason) I managed to get her out of it and was holding her up in my arms and supportingher weight on my thighs. She was crying and asking if I was going to rape her, to which I said I wanted to talk to her so she knew I wasn't mad. I was pretty sure the rape accusation was a manipulative tactic by her to make me put her down. She wasn't listening to me so I put her down hoping she would be calm and stay

Unfortunately when I did this she turned into cinnamon and went in the toilet, which then flushed three times. For some reason I flushed it the last two times as a joke but then realised she was completely gone

The dream ended with someone talking to me about how maybe someday I'd see her again while I envisaged what happened to her after she got flushed and thinking how unlikely it was I'd ever see her again. I then envisaged seeing her again and smiled, saying 'yeah' to the person giving me hope

Significant Life Events: I've felt hopeless about the future most days. I've thought my goals were out of reach. It seemed to me like I've come so close only to have my hopes dashed

I've also been bothered by my ex. I'm unhaply that she wants our old relationship back when I'm readyto give up on it. She's still as needy as she was before we broke up and still talks to me as if we're still together. The main difference is that she hasn't randomly become hostile to me yet. Tbh I'm expecting that to happen any day now. I kind of hate my life nowadays but I'm too stubborn to give up. I have to believe I can make a better future for myself and do good for the world because I have no useful alternative to striving forward. Sometimes I hate myself and get haunted by small memories from the past. I have to do the best I can to 'stay present' so I don't go mad with guilt

Background: I'm a 30 yr old male caucasian American. I'm currently unemployed thanks to the state governments attempts to control the coronavirus

My ex (who's relevant) is a 23 yr old unemployed Filipina. Our relationship was long distance, though I was planning to see her this summer until I decided to break up with her. We're still friends and still talk every day. Our break up was about a month ago, fairly recent considering we were in a relationship for three years. The reason for our breakup is because she seems to have BPD. Every month she would randomly start pushing me away by saying the most hurtful things she could think of and saying we should break up. This would last for about two days and then she would change back into the loving, caring, affectionate woman that I loved. This toxic cycle eventually wore me down until I couldn't take it anymore and ended the relationship. She wants us to get back together but I'm refusing until she gets help managing her personality disorder, which she probably won't be able to until governments stop restricting people's lives over covid. An interesting point is that her father is an alcoholic who has always been emotionally and verbally abusive to her. This makes it odd that he's sober in her dream and seems to acting as a normal parent. Hopefully this is enough background information

Mental Illness Or Depression: I have PTSD. I grew up in western Scotland at a time when it was still a very violent place and Glasgow was still known as 'the murder capital of Europe'. Somehow I never got stabbed but I saw plenty of dead people by the time I was was twelve. I have no friggin' idea how I'm still alive but I am. I've recovered a lot over the years but still never found a calling or a place in society

I've had difficulty getting along with my Mom for the last twenty years. Anytime we end up living under the same roof ot results in arguments and fighting. I still don't trust her to this day and once went half a year not talking to her even though I was living with her at the time. I'm mostly civil to her, sometimes friendly. She seems somewhat desperate to have a happy relationship with me

I think a big part of why we clash is because I used to violent, angry and tempermental. I was under huge stress and pressure because in Scotland I was getting attacked, on average, at least once every two weeks. She and my Dad were naive and didn't realize what sort of hell our school was. By the time I was fifteen I comvinced her to pull me out of high school by threatening to burn the place down if she didn't. By the time I was sixteen I had come to believe I was going to be murdered someday and vowed to fight to the death when it happened. In any case, I've relaxed a lot over the years and rarely get violent or temperamental now but my family still seems scared of who I used to be. Whenever there's even the possibility of an argument they either get violent or run away from me, which means we never seem to sort out our differences in person. My Dad is the only exception and I have a good relationship with him

I used to be suicidal. Between the ages of seventeen and twenty-five I basically only ever played videogames, slept and occasionally planned to kill myself. When I was twenty-five I came to the realization that if I hadn't killed myself yet that I probably never would, which was the beginning of me getting my life together. Nowadays I'm pretty emotionally deadened. I rarely feel love, heartbreak or depression and never with the intensity that most people do. I can usually only tell when I'm experiencing depression by observing the symptoms in my behaviour. It's weird being affected by an emotion but not feeling it. I feel like a monster sometimes because I think that's the only way to make sense of someone who appears human but lacks enough humanity to have feelings

I should also state that I have asperger's syndrome, which probably plays a factor in all this. I'm extremely high-functioning though and people never spot the symptoms of asperger's in me unless I point it out to them. I don't know any other 'aspies' who appear as normal as I do. A big part of why I am so 'normal' is because of the violence I experienced growing up. You don't have the luxury of having aspergers in a violent setting. You have to adapt and overcome or you will literally go extinct. At the height of my teens I could dispose of or rearrange any aspect of my thought process that seemed useless or counterproductive

Location: United States

Feelings About People: I think me getting shot is a metaphor for her hurting me when she was lashing out due to her BPD. The fact I was shot twice is striking since it was the last two times she lashed out that really convinced me to give up on our relationship. We were both laughing when she shot me which might be a reflection of our relationship when she wasn't hurting me

Idk what to make of her parents. I've never met them but I'm angry her father traumatized her and caused her to develop mental illnesses. Like I said, he seemed like a normal parent in the dream

I think the very end part is a reflection of my hope that someday she'd have her BPD under control so we could have a better version of our old relationship back

Relationship Status: Single

When And How Often: I only had this dream last night
dreamer58087
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Posts: 1
Joined: May 11th, 2021, 8:19 am

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