by robnuck99 on September 22nd, 2012, 1:24 am
I keep praying for a reason to survive, not everyone believes this next statement. But I know the highest purpose of life is to praise and worship god and be an example. But I keep telling god that alone does not seem to be enough and that I would rather die now and deal with the consequences of damnation. But in my faith there are two options: life and hopefully sit at god's side or kill myself and be in hell until Satan is finally defeated 1000 years after the end of the Earth. When humanity ends god will reign on Earth remade for 1000 years. During that time Satan is held captive but he gets out and is defeated for good and when that happens hell is destroyed and anyone in it no longer exists. People think that being in hell is the worst thing, the worst thing comes after hell is destroyed along with anyone or anything that resides. Complete and utter separation from god like you never existed that is the worst fate. It feels like god was telling me "understand" being pinned to my foot not like a tattoo but a sketch made out of stone. Pinned to my left foot and removed, it felt like 7 times pinned and removed. I know god wants me to accept my role and just praise, worship him and surrender to his will. The problem I am having is that I do not know what his will for me is, other than last night I have not felt or see some sign of god in 10 years. I do not know how much longer I can withstand the tortures that I face on this planet. A wife leaves me because her family kept telling her how much of a disappointment she was for not losing weight or being able too. They constantly battled her and now matter how many times I told her and showed her how I felt about her it was never enough. My second wife wants to be a mom more than my wife since I am sterile, she will not adopt and I do not want some strangers sperm injected into her so she asked me to leave and filed for divorce. I understand my purpose along with the purpose of all men and women. But is it so selfish to want one thing or one person to fight for? Someone to share a life with?