Dream: • I just woke up in tears from a dream about paul he got out of jail and came over to my grandma's house we walked over to the alley behind the police station at first he went on to saying he was still mad at me and we could be together but he wasn't sure about getting married anymore I just responded ok that's fine with me and he seemed shocked and quickly picked me up and held me close and said I my baby yes I want to marry you let's go now for some reason we ended up staying there and there was some kind of bathroom so there were other people some black dudes light skin walked out and sat in the two chairs next to paul but he was drunk so they started making comments to each other the one boy sitting closest to him flashed his gun I seen it out of the corner of my eye I quickly jumped up getting in front of paul and pleaded with the boy to just walk away and let it go but he said nah fuck this but he did walk away so I quickly decided we needed to leave I was really scared so me and paul started walking vack to my grandma's thru the alley on the side closest to the back yards and as soon as we got the end of that little wall back there I seen a flash and heard a shot I remember seeing paul stumble backwards into the wall but I couldn't process anything it was all happening to fast i tried to stand in front of him and then got hit in the shoulder i was still trying to figure out where the first shot hit him I picked him up putting his arm around my neck so he had support and instantly I seen he was hit in the neck in that moment another bullet hit him in his side knocking us down and than a 3rd hit his arm I was terrified and frantic and I knew I had to get him help I ran to the police station rang the bell and frantically tried to tell them what happened and he was dying and needed medical attention immediately but they looked at me like I was a joke she then went on to say you need to relax and calm down she filled out a form and asked me to sign but I interrupted and proceeded to question wether or not he was receiving medical attention and she said no not yet we are still trying to figure out all the stories and that thru me off the edge i remember screaming at her he was bleeding out that's the only truth your supposed to help him he's dying and then falling to the floor and just crying and I was certain he was dead by now so when an officer walked up to me I pulled their weapon and shot myself and I woke up in tears it was so realistic I didn't even realize I was dreaming I remember in the beginning of the dream I felt the usual feeling of being safe and over filled with happiness and contentment and full of an undying love and relaxed and blessed he came back but as the dream progressed I Remember feeling terrified like my world was coming to an end and I couldn't control it which sends me into a break down I was scared hurt and I blamed my self in the dream I thought to myself it's your fault he died you should have gone the other way you failed him I felt anger and hatred towards myself the police station lady and the boy who shot him and in the end the pain was to unbearable so I shot myself
Significant Life Events: My boyfriend paul although we did have a fight and break up we had started talking it out in person a couple days ago but when he was leaving my house he got pulled over and is serving a sentence of 8 days I'm scared he won't talk to me and I don't want to lose him I love him
Background: I'm 19 Hispanic I don't work I'm female I'm at times jealous in a relationship but I also over love over protect and I'm clingy and have anxiety
Mental Illness Or Depression: Yes I'm bipolar I have anxiety depression
Location: Avondale Arizona United States
Feelings About People: He is my whole world we may fight a lot because we both have short tempers we both are insecure and we both have trust issues but we know each other more than anyone else in this world we could be looking at each other and go to speak and both end up saying I love you at the same time we know when the other person is hurt and we look out for each other when I'm away from him I feel incomplete and empty nothing can fill that void till I'm back with him I will physically get sick and refer to it as home sickness but the minute I'm back with him it's like a soothing warm overfilling contentment filling and I feel happy in love positive safe secure and he always teaches me knew things and life lessons because he wants the best for me we have had a couple issues though because I have mental illnesses such as depression I over think and fall into a depression if we break up which has landed me in the hospital for attempting suicidal behaviors becausee I feel I can't love without him
Relationship Status: Dating/single
When And How Often: 11/14/17 And this is the first time ever